trying new things and escaping balls

It happens quite frequently, that I don’t feel capable enough to do a certain thing. This applies to trying out new hobbies, taking different courses, or applying for a job. Lacking experience and knowledge in that particular area often stopped me from doing things I was genuinely interested in.

When I was 15 years old, we were playing a sport named „Jugger“ on a class trip and I absolutely loved it. This comes from the opposite of a sports enthusiast. Later, I figured out, that there was even a Jugger Team near my area, which needed more members. I was so ready to participate and motivated through the roofs. But then, doubts appeared. I may have been good on the class trip, but what if I embarrass myself there? Those kids were used to playing this game weekly. I didn’t want to bother them with beginner’s mistakes. Also, I didn’t know anybody there, which made the act of starting this new sport even scarier.

So, what happened? I did not play this game again. I often thought about it, but somehow the fear of embarrassment and failure kept me from signing in. This still makes me sad, because me enjoying sports is very rare. I like dancing and doing yoga, but when it comes to team sports, I was always the last one to be selected, sitting on that damn bench til the end. Which is fair, I really was bad, especially when balls were involved.

A brief insight in my traumatic sports history: Once, and by god I don’t know who thought this would be a good idea, I got chosen to be the goalkeeper. And everytime the ball would come slightly in my direction, I escaped. I literally ran away, leaving my position. You can only imagine how my team members reacted to that. But I couldn’t care less. I mean, I needed to save my life, okay?? My sports career ended with my graduation and every day passing by without having to escape any sort of ball, is a day worth appreciating. So this is how I feel when there are no balls around:

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

However, looking back, I wish that I had the courage to just try. It happens way too often, that we don’t take whatever chance because we think, that we aren’t good enough. That we don’t belong there.

But we will never find out, if we never try, right? Personally, I will stop giving doubts so much power over my life. Dictating my capabilities. Practically thinking, the worst that could happen is that we don’t get it right at first. So what? Just try again. And when you find, that whatever you wanted to do, didn’t turn out to be as exciting as you thought it would be, you can still quit. You never signed the contract of a life-time. Do what feels right and let excitement win over fear. But be aware of balls though.

– Jathilda