Don’t we all have this one special person in our lives? The one, who can never be forgotten? The whole world could scream, that you have to get over it, trying to shake up common sense in you, but somehow you can’t?
I’ve been there. Going back and forth, but never making any progress. It may be in the way he talks. How he’s giving me butterflies, simply by looking at me. Or it’s in the way he makes me laugh. Like nobody else does. Driving around in the middle of the night, jokingly planning on getting to the next airport, randomly taking the flight which departs next. Catching a glimpse of crescent moon, fully aware that he will let me down, when he has enough.
It may be in the way he never calls. How he’s never the one, who makes effort to text first. Or it’s in the way he makes me cry. Like nobody else does. Laying in my bed at midnight, doubting and wondering, already planning on steps to get him back. Only for him to crash my little world again. Asking myself: Why am I not enough?
The most diffiucult part for me to accept is, that he isn’t the one to blame. I am. I know, that it’s only fun and games until he decides to leave. I know, that whenever we get close to each other again, it won’t last. I know, that I would have done anything for him, when he can’t even keep up with the bare minimum. The happiness, which comes with him is never as strong as the sadness, which appears, when he disappears.
Having a person in your life, who holds this much power over you, is frightening. Especially when you tend to self-manipulating behaviour. You should never sacrifice your emotional well-being only for a couple seconds of happiness. Those moments can never outweigh all the pain that you experience, when it ends in disaster for another time. Just like you knew it would. I know it’s hard, realizing that you have to move on. But how many times are you willing to let yourself down? Allowing someone to be so reckless with the most precious thing you’re owning – your heart.
Sometimes it’s an act of self-love, giving a loved one up. Because sometimes love is not enough. Especially when you’re the one who loves harder, tapping in the dark, trying to figure out, why it never worked out. It’s draining. Trying to make something work, which was never meant to be. That’s why you have to know, when to let go. Don’t push the realization away, that he may be more damaging than beneficial for you. Rather, I want you to hold on thightly to that newly-gained awareness. It will help you to remember, why going back to him isn’t a good idea. Why you will be better off without him.
Eventually, you will still think of him, when you see something, that reminds you of him. Of you and him. Together. But the number of things, which do that, become less overtime. In the beginning, you will see him in anyone and anything. This will pass, too. It’s called heartbreak for a reason. If nothing was broken, there wouldn’t be a need for healing. Allow yourself to go through the different stages of pain, experiencing your loss. But also be proud of what you’ve gained: strenght. It takes strength to realize, that you’re in an unhealthy relationship. It takes even more to take that wisdom, rather than ignoring it, thinking, that you will be just fine, because he has good sides, too. But actively dissociating yourself costs the most strength. It will hurt , of course it will, but after that, you will be fine.
No, I’m not saying, that you should not give second chances. Rather you should know, when your limit is reached. When you cannot take it anymore. When it’s time for you to leave. The person, that I’m describing stands represantative for all types of persons. Whether that may be the person you would like to get in a relationship with, your partner, a good friend of yours, a family member. .. There are so many possibilities to get hurt, but you have a say in how much of this hurt you’re willing to accept. So please don’t beat yourself up for wondering why someone wouldn’t handle you with care. Instead, get up and leave.
Stay strong and protect your hearts.